Why Newlyweds Better Check Their Expectations at the Aisle

Beautiful Catholic newlywed couple

Why Newlyweds Better Check Their Expectations at the Aisle


It was May 2nd 2015. The day my wife and I had been waiting for over 15 months. The day we would become one flesh, to be joined in the sacrament of holy matrimony.

I think I was not unlike most people when I thought, “My wedding day is going to be perfect. No problems, and it will be the best day ever.”

I had this opinion that our wedding would be seamless and all my problems would go away.

However, I found out that they didn’t go away.

I want to share how it felt- still beautiful, still the best day ever, but the truth and how in a moment I chose to let go of my expectations.

The week before the wedding I had a personal event that shook me. Because of it I became very stressed, stressed to the point that I got sick.

We still had a lot to do- I was running around a lot, picking up people from the airport with miscommunications. My wife had an allergic reaction to a facial and she broke out.

I was super stressed. I pulled away from my groomsman because I just didn't want to talk about the stress. I found it difficult to be calm because I was not talking to anyone about what was going on.

Then came the wedding day, and instead of what I pictured I was super nervous, stressed and sick. My groomsman could see it.

Even though I had pulled away from them, they asked to pray over me. That gracious act allowed me to be at peace. In that moment I accepted that the situations leading up to my wedding had been imperfect. I knew that I could not change the past, but I could choose how much past events were going to control me. 

Then as soon as I walked down the aisle, it was even easier to choose the moment. Nothing else mattered anymore! Here I was before my God, awaiting Megan, my soon to be wife. The person I had journeyed so far with to be here.

With Megan I have never had someone who has brought me so much joy, laughter and love! But I have also never been hurt by, fought with, cried with, got angry with more than her.

But that is love. It's not always perfect, but she is my best friend.

As we had the Wedding Mass it was everything I wanted, and becoming one before God and friends was the most amazing experience.

I was still sick and stress still crept in, but what I learned is that marriage is a lot like my wedding day. I saw that I had sometimes put marriage as an idol, thinking that once I am married then the relationship will be perfect.

But that is hardly the case; rather, it is another step in the journey towards heaven.Towards me growing closer to God and becoming the saint he made me to be. This is the vocation that will get me to heaven.

Megan will help get me to heaven. 

On that day and every day in my marriage I have to choose to love myself in my imperfections, but realizing I am on a journey and will never be perfect. I also have to choose to love and show mercy to Megan in her imperfections and support her on the journey she is on. Life is full of imperfections, but I try my best not to let those imperfections control me.

I have a person in my wife who makes me the happiest I could ever be; I have someone there to go into battle with and who I know will battle with me till death due us part.

I look back at pictures and truly see it as the best day of my life.

I encourage you in a new way to choose the present moment; to love those around you in their imperfections. I encourage you to not look too much to the past, but keep looking forward and trying to improve, to put Christ as the most important thing in your life. Keep your eyes fixed on him.

Life is full of imperfections, but I try my best not to let those imperfections control me. — Benjamin Turland

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