Break These Chains

People are marrying later today than ever. The University of Virginia reports that the average age of first marriage is at an all-time high: 26.5 years old for women and 28.7 for men.

Lots of reasons are attributed to this trend, such as debt, fear of commitment, fear of divorce, etc. But I saw an article recently that listed a possible factor you don’t hear about too often. The author, Mark Regnarus noted: 

“We often overlook another casualty of pornography (and the human reaction to it): relationships that fail to launch."

It’s an interesting question, isn’t it? 43% of men admit to looking at pornography within the last week. How many men (or women) unconsciously delay actively seeking a mate because of their porn habit? When it’s so easy to feed sexual appetites by consuming porn, maybe there isn’t the same natural impetus to find that special someone.

"Male sexual behaviour... is moving steadily now in a direction either free of partners or else devoid of long-term commitment to just one woman, aided at every turn by technology."

Eeep.

Has this been a factor in your life? Have you been caught in the snare of a pornography habit?

I would hate to imagine any man or woman delaying the pursuit of marriage because of an attachment to porn. It makes me think of an image of a person trying to walk while dragging an anchor attached to his waist. 

If you are stuck in this habit, what can be done? How can the chain be broken?

Here are three ideas.

1) Install accountability software on your computer and portable devices

I don’t know of all of the best products for this, but I hear about Covenant Eyes a lot. This software allows you choose a friend who can help you be accountable to where you spend your time online, because it sends him or her a record of what sites you visited. I’ve heard that this really helps! You’re definitely going to become more intentional about what you’re doing online if you have this set up. And if the idea makes you really uncomfortable, you probably need to get it.

(Any other recommendations of porn blocking or accountability software? Please share in the comments below)

2) Talk to a spiritual advisor

I think it was Fulton Sheen who said that the alcoholic doesn’t drink because he loves booze, he drinks because he hates something else. The same applies to other addictions, doesn’t it? I don’t know anyone who really loves porn. If we watch it, there is some underlying reason for it. Maybe it’s loneliness. Maybe it’s a wounded self-image. Maybe it’s fear, or some other issue. Whatever it is, it is something you need to get to the heart of so you understand why porn has such strong appeal.

This is where a spiritual advisor can be a great help. I recommend a priest trained in spiritual direction. If you don’t have one, get one, eh? You’ll be amazed at how they help you grow. But also, open up to a trusted Christian friend about this challenge, as they may be able to offer support and advice.

3) Frequent Confession & Communion

Therefore confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. (Jas 5:16)

After my conversion I found myself drawing great strength from frequent communion. I found that wanting to be totally united to Jesus daily helped me find strength to make better choices.

When I slipped up (which was quite often a first) I found that confession was a huge source of peace. It can be humbling to go two, three times in one week, or on back-to-back days. But you know what? Who cares! Jesus instituted confession to minister forgiveness and mercy and healing. And real grace is ministered in confession to help in the next moment of temptation. 

If after all this you still feel paralyzed, maybe it’s worth checking out Sexaholics Anonymous.

Why put off changing the things that need changing in our lives? Life is short. Whether you’re married or single, man or woman, it’s time to break the chains of lust and live the freedom God desires for you.

As the Catechism of the Catholic Church says, “Porn is stupid. Kick it in the face."

That might be a paraphrase..

Question: Have you, or are you kicking porn in the face? What has helped you? Please share below. 

You may also like: What's the Big Deal about Porn?; Putting Porn Back in it's Place; and Hollywood's Porn Problem.