A Catholic Gal's Advice to Men: 4 Tips to Smarter Dating

Recently an article I posted about Catholic men and dating went a little viral. This week a Catholic gal (who wished to remain anonymous) responds with some suggestions for avoiding common Catholic dating faux pas.  

In my circles, the topic of Catholic dating comes up regularly or, more specifically, the topic of why there is often a lack of dating among young Catholics. Everyone's an expert on where the blame should be placed: the hook-up culture, the hang-out culture, the so-called 'friend-zone', feminism, men being wimps, women taking the initiative instead, discernment dragging on, and the list continues. The recent post, "Catholic Men Should Be the Best Daters", refreshingly did not attempt to psychoanalyze our stilted romantic lives, but presented a simple and practical message: guys, just ask girls out.

The post apparently hit a nerve, with many men and women sharing it through social media. And while I applaud the sentiment and hope good men will take Josh up on his challenge, I think an additional exhortation is in order: Catholic men, please be smart daters.

Please don't think us ladies expect you to be perfect at dating - we certainly aren't - but it might be helpful to be aware of some of the pitfalls or problems that can crop up. They're mostly common sense but there can often be a deficiency of common sense when the opposite sex is concerned.

Here are 4 common Catholic dating problems, with advice on how to navigate them: 

(1) The Problem: Catholic circles are small

This has many positive aspects, but also lends to a common problem: if you ask a bunch of girls out, you'll end up dating girls who are close friends or roommates and...well...it can get awkward. For everyone.

The Solution: Do ask girls you are interested in out, but don't go so far as to be a serial dater. You'll inadvertently get a reputation as someone who's not serious and might leave a trail of disappointed girls in your wake - and girls do talk to other girls, for better or for worse. Be sensitive to the fact that close circles can result in high drama when eligible young men are concerned, so you might need to do pre-emptive damage control if things don't work out with one roommate and you decide to date the second.

(2) The Problem: Dating for dating's sake

Yes, it can be casual in the sense that you're getting to know someone, not marrying them on the spot. But if you treat dating like a game, then we can't trust you with our time, let alone our hearts. (This is likely less of an issue with practicing Catholic men who tend to be more vocation-oriented, but it's worth a mention.)

The Solution: Being intentional about dating doesn't mean making the date about anything more than getting to know the person, but you are a vocation-conscious Catholic man, are you not? So say a couple prayers and make sure you include the Holy Spirit in your dating adventures.

(3) The Problem: Being indirect or vague

We live in a 'hang out culture' these days, which can lend to some confusion about what is a date and what isn't.

The Solution: Just do everyone a favour and be clear that it is, in fact, a date.

And - this is a personal pet peeve - do not play dumb if she turns you down. By this I mean that trying to pretend you weren't really asking her out or this wasn't really a date is extremely unattractive. A man who takes a risk on a woman in a gentlemanly fashion is admirable and courageous, even if we seem a bit awkward as we decline. But trying to save face communicates that you can't take ownership of your own situation and that you value your own ego over the well-being of our hearts. We feel awful and our respect for you and trust in you takes a nosedive. Lose-lose.

(4) The Problem: Be careful about going from 0 to 60 all at once (This would mainly apply to asking out girls you have known for a while.)

The Solution: There is a concept known as wooing which was once integral to winning a girl's heart. Give it a whirl. No grand gestures necessary, but giving some sighs of interest is a good idea. It doesn't secure a victory, but it does lower the chance of nearly giving her a heart attack.

There is a concept known as wooing which was once integral to winning a girl's heart. Give it a whirl.

And last but not least, take courage Catholic men. Us Catholic ladies think you're grand and there are more than enough of us single gals to go around. 

Question: What piece dating advice would you add to this list? Please tell us below!

You may also enjoy:

• Catholic Men Should be the Best Daters 
• The Old School Rules of Dating 
• Be the Kind of Person You Want to Date